Yellow Matter Custard ->aleX<-

[keatie deville]

<sub>She was still in this state of shock, of anger. Angry at herself of course, since she had just made a complete idiot out of her dumb ass. Ended up looking and acting like the whore she was. Hurting someone who actually seemed interested in her, and not getting in her pants, or her money or some of that bullshit. She felt low, degraded, whoreish. She wanted to call Tin or Cady, cry on their shoulder. But instead she was still crying her eyes out alone, sitting there like a damn fool with nothing left but what? Her beauty? Her money? Whatever. Maybe she should call one of her male friends over, ya know? Forget about that dumb Alex. No, she shook her head like she was actually responding to herself. She couldn't do that. That was dumb. Dumb, and low. She knew that would hurt Alex if he ended up seeing some guy come to her door - or hearing her. That would just be pathetic of her. She picked up her cell phone, her thumbs directing her to the "messages" folder, and she pulled up the blank screen, ready for a text. The blinking line flashing, ready for her T9 texting skills. Nothing came to her though, she sat there and stared and stared at the dumb phone, and nothing came. What could she say, "well hi." Act like nothing had ever happened? Say she was sorry again? That wouldn't make it better though. She couldn't make it better.

She was about to sit up and just go to bed, until she heard a thump. What the hell? Was he throwing things at the wall just to piss her off? It was low though, like near her head low. Maybe he had heard her crying and was telling her to shut the hell up? She bumped her head against the wall, thumping back. See how he liked that huh? She felt like a child right then, playing "knock on the wall" or something. How silly right? Didn't little children do that? She didn't really care though, she was in a terrible mood. She wanted Alex to come back, and snuggle with her in her bed. Weird huh? She actually wanted someone to cuddle at that moment. Maybe he could make all of her pain go away? She highly doubted it, but whatever. She could, and would survive right? Right! She took a deep breath and closed her eyes again - trying to re focus and figuring she wouldn't hear that thud again. Maybe she could mediatate her or something and make her worries vanish just like that. Well yea, it wouldn't be that simple, but still.

She set her phone down and rubbed her face. Feeling digusting still. Maybe she should take a shower? Try and wash her body clean of her sluttiness or something? She thought back to what had happened not so long a go with Alex. She had nearly taken his virginity, said no, and then wanted it again. What the hellw as wrong with her?</sub>

[alexander jay martin!]

i dislocated something doctor,
love from my puny little heart*

Why Alex didn't just go over to her apartment was plain stupid. But what if her roomy was there? He doubted it, because he was certain she was the one hitting the wall. He still stared at the ceiling, gaining no progress from when he had last thwacked the wall. Silly, right? But he looked down then, feeling his face get hot. His lungs sucked into themselves, making him huff once. Before he knew it, there was a salty-tasting wetness flowing from his gorgeous little eyes. He didn't know what to do. Was he supposed to cry? Oh no, what if she heard him? He sucked in a breath, crying out because he had no tolerance for this kind of thing, holding in a noise that could only be tears. Why the fuck was he even crying? He had no idea. He scrambled to get up, knowing his puny little cries could be hard by her. His heels thumping against the wall on his way up, he could no longer suck this in. He darted to the kitchen, where he got a towel. He pressed it up against his eyes and mouth, muffling the noise and also smearing his tears. He planted his forehead against the kitchen counter, his body shaking violently.
Why was he crying? He knew no matter what happened, Keatie couldn't actually love him, or be with him and only him. It just wasn't her nature. And he knew that, but sadly he still wanted to believe it. Or maybe he didn't want to, because deep down he knew he couldn't.
For now he needed to collect himself, especially now. Scrubbing his face with the dishtowel, he stopped his tears and slid over to the wall. He stood there for a long while. Thinking about everything; anything he could. He faced the wall, standing on the wood floor with bare feet. After about ten minutes, his feet got dastardly cold. He didn't care though, he couldn't feel it. Things raced through his mind, and all he did was take a step closer, rested his head on the wall and close his pretty little eyes. His head made a small noise, but not very loud. He would just go to bed and forget about this, right? No.
Why had she tried at him again, when she already smashed him into little pieces when she almost clipped his virginity from him? Why had she done it? And why was he so emotional about it? It should be her feeling bad, no offense. But he was the one that was hurt and confused -- not to mention crying -- about all this. Why did he feel a slap of guilt? Why? And why was he even interested in her after all that she'd put him through? Why did she do it in the first place? How come she couldn't accept either one; him just being a friend, or him being someone closer? Why did Alex think about all this?
Because he's weak. He was looking for a solution; when there isn't one, becuase both choices will hurt someone.
He would do something for her in the morning. He glanced at the clock, seeing that it was now ten-forty pm. Tim for bed, sadly.


[should i start a new post, or should we have them go to bed and say it's morning? because alex is going to surprise her with breakfast in the morning or something.something to tell her he just wants to be friends. like showing up at the door with flowers? that sort of crumby thing. xD]

[keatie deville]

She had been so mean too him, hurt him so much but didn't understand why she had been such a bitch. She really did like Alex, she really thought be might have been able to save her from what she was becoming - but maybe not after all. She could be with him, she could be faithful if she really wanted too. But again, there was so many things inbetween them. So many problems. He was 18, she was 21, and blah blah blah, more lists. She was a bad person, she had been a super bitch and he hadn't deserved that. She had sat there for a long time, wondering what she was going to do, if she would hear anything. She heard a couple more thuds, but didn't reply to any of them. She stood up instead, and walked into her bedroom. Pretty and pink, lots of fluffy pink pillows, and pictures of friends and kissy faces. It was a classical girly girl room, no doubt about it. She threw herself on her bed and got under the covers, like it was some kind of protective bubble that would take away all the pain. Her make up had ran, and her pretty eyeliner looked like it was bleeding down her flawless cheek. She deserved this though.

For being such a stupid bitch and everything. For being such an idiot and messing up everything again. She should make a habit out of this or something shouldn't she? She was dumb. Dumb Dumb DUMB. Times a katondlaZILLION. Whatever that was.

The room was dark, and under her covers were warm. Yet she was still trying to make sense of nothingness; trying to make sense of God knows what. Her head was hurting, and as her body twisted into a little ball on her bed, she couldn't help but fret about the future. Yeah, she would just ignore him or something, play it off like she had never met him. Like he was just a freak emo boy talking too her. And if he said he had known her and she was all over him. She would make her face contort into a disgusted face with a promise to everyone around her that she would never ever ever try it on with someone like him. Yeah, that's what she would do. Plan A was good. Plan A would work. Plan A!! WAS IN ACTION!!!! First goal on PLAN A was delete Alex from phone.... Goal one would wait. SECOND GOAL was delete him from her buddy list on AIM! That could wait too. THIRD GOAL! Try and forget this had ever happened. So she closed her eyes, and pretended of tonight happening, she had nearly had sex with a cute emo boy and WAIT! That had already happened. Oh geez, this would be harder than she had orginally expected. She buried her face deep in her pillow. Just forget, just forget, she kept thinking too herself. And somehow, in the process of trying to forget, she fell asleep. Deep deep into sleep.





(sup too you hun )

[alexander jay martin!]

i think i can, i think i can;

Alex didn't know what he would do, until he heard her shuffle from the wall. Shit. She might've heard him crying, and that would've been a killer-bad suicide. He was scrubbing his face with the towel until the cheap material stung his face and eyes. He threw it down, swearing, and then touching his face with his hands to maybe stop the pain. He went back to the wall and listened; nothing. He knew she had gotten up, probably forgot all about him and went to bed. Damn, there was no point in this, at all. She probably encountered guys like him everyday, except they were most likely in her little model clique. He scoffed and walked into his room, falling face-first on the bed. He yelled a few times, his arms at his side and his face in his pillows. His bed, of coarse, wasn't made, but it didn't need to be for him. He was used to all that shit. His mother never made him make it, so he never had to worry about it. Until Keatie had showed up, he was just some emo kid trying to get through college. Of coarse life didn't work that way. As soon as someone came along, Alex was a new kid. Or, whatever. Maybe it wasn't with everyone; but as soon as someone he cared about came along, he tried to be a better person, you know?
Whatever. Alex was dead. He never realized how tired he was until he hit the bed... oh, it was so soft and comfy... he was almost asleep instantly. And then there he went, into a deep sleep thinking about Keatie.

He woke up before the sun had appeared. He was sweating, and had fallen off the bed at one point that night. He rubbed his head, sitting up and feeling his back; where he had made contact with the floor. He yawned and moaned, trying to forget his wicked dream... nightmare. His body was shaking; maybe he was hungry. He reached up to the nightstand, tipping the old digital clock to face him. 6:39? He moaned, collapsing back onto the floor. But once he did, the nightmar came back to him, and he sprung to his feet. Keatie had to be in bed still, as long as his dream was still just a dream. He scratched his legs, his calves, really. Damn jeans. He could never sleep in them, and it sucked to have to wake up with itchy legs. He changed slowly, brushing his hair and fiddling with his snake-bites; he'd slept with them in. Not good, since they irritated him after he slept with them in. So he took them out, examining the small pierce-holes in his lip. He didn't care; like he hadn't ever gone a day or two without wearing them?
He slipped to the kitchen. He was so tired still, but he knew if he went back to bed he'd just encounter that horrid dream. But then an idea jumped from him as he was pouring Lucky Charms. The box sprung from his hands, pouring poor marshmallows and cereal all over the floor. But he didn't care, he had an idea. He ran off, grabbing his wallet.

When he returned, it was probably 8:30. He arrived at Keatie's door. Taking a deep breath, he brushed his hair from his eyes and nibbled on his lip, now that he had no piercing to chew on. He knocked on the door, clutching the roses and a few cans.

[keatie deville]

Watch your Back Boy

<sub>Knock Knock. What the hell, why was somebody knocking on her door? Kate's small petite body turned over and looked at the clock, 8:30? Now everyone knew Kate slept at that time of the morning. Freaks were the ones who woke up super early, like those nerds or something who woke up at 5am to watch Star Wars and went to bed at 8pm like mommy advised. She sat up lazily, rubbing her face. She had two options: go take a shower and wipe off all this eyeliner that had run down her cheek, get her hair straightened out because she had some funky bed head right now. Or, answer the door just in case it really was importantly. Option two came, and she sat up quickly taking off her dress and putting on some blue pajama shorts and shirt. Running to the door in a rather hurriedly motion, like a super zombie, thoughts of who if could be began to take over her head. She doubted it was Tinsley; Tin didn't need to knock, unless she forgot her key, and she would call or something right? Or maybe she had called, but Keatie's phone was still on the floor. Oh god, she would feel awful. Awful like how she had felt last night when she had heard Alex cry...Keatie shook her head again. Plan A was going to fail if she kept doing crap like this. No, it had to be Tinsley, who had forgotten her key or something, and the poor thing couldn't get in or get through to Keaties phone so she was knocking at the door. Keatie unlocked her door, fumbling around, trying to prepare for Tinsley to maybe yell at her or something. Maybe she would end up crying, telling Tinsley she had a horrible night and beg for her forgiveness.

Her hand finally reached the door; really it had felt like forever for her to get there, but she doubted it was a little more than 30 seconds or something. Shw pulled the door towards her, expecting something - someone, a lot different. She almost didn't recognize him for a second; not without the snake bites. And then is dawned on her that it was Alex... Oh gee. Plan A failed already? She cocked her head an inch to the side, and furrowed her little eyebrows. Alex? What are you doing here? Her throat was horse from crying last night, and she sounded like a dying old french lady, more than her beautiful self. She felt disgusting, and now he got to see the art of flying hairs on her head, and running make up. How embarrassing. Why was he holding roses and cans? Huh? She looked at him confused, like he had just done a cartwheel and told her he wanted a pickle. She didn't really understand. What was he doing and why? She just stood there a little dumbfounded for a second, what would you expect when you just hurt some guy, heard him crying his eyes out, and then he turns up at your house with roses? Uh, not exactly her idea of how it would all turn out. She opened her mouth slightly, like she was going to say something; nothing came out though. It was more of her just standing there like a fool. Not knowing what to say.

Why was he here? With flowers too? And not just any flowers, ROSES? Hmm, confusing. Maybe that was some kind of suburbany, americany, type thing she had never been taight about. She hoped he wasn't here to take the thorns and prick out her eyes or anything. Why didn't he have his pretty little snake bites in either? She was getting more and more confused by the second. Was she dreaming or something?</sub>

[alexander jay martin!]

i think i can, i think i can;

Alex looked at his shoes, wiggling his tos to make the black tip of the fat DCs to move as well. He sighed, probably looking like a total fool with a few roses in his hand, and a coffee with a cinnamon bagel. He nibbled still, until he heard Keatie fumble with the lock. Oh shit, he thought, shuffling. He wanted to run now. Damn, why was he being so frickin shy? He was usually not like this, but Keatie was a totally different story. She opened the door. Guilt ran through him, like he just say someone cut off their toe for him. Um, morning Kate! He said, smiling cheekily, and putting one foot out so he looked cheerful. He chuckled, signifying that he was kidding.
What are you doing here? He then smiled. She didn't sound too happy about him being there; and he wasn't surprised. I brought you breakfast... coffee? He said, jutting out his arm for her. Man, she was a wreck. She looked like she'd just changed into pajamas, because her shirt still had a few wrinkles like it was just folded neatly. But he shook it off. He had fallen asleep in his clothes, and she could have easily as well. He looked down at the roses. Well I... I would've gotten more, but I could only really afford... He said, jutting that out to her too. He nibbled his lower lip hopefully.
Maybe she would just shove the coffee into his face. Which would totally suck for him, because this was a new teal shirt, plus it was still really really hot. Maybe she's throw the roses on the ground and stomp on them, or perhaps shove them also in his face. Wow, that would kill even more than coffee. Both would sting on the inside; it was all rejection. And that's what he expected, but he refused to run or just walk away. He wouldn't give up on her just yet. This was way too nerve-racking all in all. But Alex just continued to smile, his electric eyes still shining, as if to apologize. He wanted to be her friend, maybe a crush or whatever. But a friend to her.

[keatie deville]

Um, morning Kate! She still had this dumbfounded expression on her face. Maybe she had dreamt of all that crap that happened last night - or not. But either way, this was uber confusing. Why would someone look to cheerful after such a terrible night. She hadn't slept well at all, tossing and turning, waking up every hour still shaking from crying or something. It was weird, she was unhappy. Very unhappy about what she had done. And here he was like a fucking unicorn, smiling like he had just seen a rainbow. She rubbed her face for a second, "Um. Good morning Alex?" Was this him? Maybe it wasn't? Maybe it was his identical twin brother ALEC!! How sneaky! HOW VERY SNEAKY! Also very unlikely though; so she just smiled a little, returning his beaming one. He was still pretty and cute. He still had a great smile, and pretty hair and amazing blue eyes.

I brought you breakfast... coffee? She blinked a few times, before taking the coffee and smiling a little, still tired. This would do her some good right? She needed to wake up, even if it was so damn early. She was still confused though. Where was all of this coming from? "Thanks.." She was taking a little sip before he shoved something else in her face, and some of the hot coffee trickled down her chin. She wiped it off, smiling a little. Well I... I would've gotten more, but I could only really afford... That made her heart melt; that had to be one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for her. She smiled more and took them gingerly. "Thank you Alex, no one's ever given me flowers before" Her voice was a little more cheerful now, yet still tired and horse. She backed away a little, holding the coffee and flowers. "Do you want to come in for a little awhile?" She didn't really wait for an answer - she walked over to the kitchen and set the coffee down, before finding a vase and filling it up with some water, arranging the roses nearly inside. Roses were the kind of flowers you gave to lovers or something right? Like, you didn't go to a funeral and give anyone roses did you? Or maybe you did? She didn't know, she had never been to a funeral before. But then again, she had also never been given flowers before. Hard to believe that Ms. DeVille had NEVER received roses before right? Right.

Now it was hard to believe last night had happened, and when she had looked at him when she opened the door, it had all really came flooding back and she had felt a pang of terrible guilt flowing all over her body. She wanted to beg for his forgiveness, but if he wasn't going to bring it up, she wouldn't either. Maybe he didn't want to remember what had happened as well.

[alexander jay martin!]

i think i can, i think i can;

Alex knew he'd come off like a complete idiot; he already knew that. That was something he knew before he'd even touched the door. That she would be surprised. And he couldn't really expect her to react any different, after what had happened the night before. Should he be bringing that up now? He knew he couldn't say anything because she'd just smiled; and that was a mile more that what he'd planned on her doing. Oh, I got a bagel too... cinnamon... He chuckled, holding it up for a moment, then smiling softly. She offered for him to come in, and he just politely nodded and entered her apartment.
It wasn't much like his; well it had the same layout and everything, but it was all... clean. And the colors were much different, they were... girly. He almost shuddered. He then realized she had a roommate, and his back straitened like he'd been electrocuted. Um... is your roommate...? He said, his eyes wide like he cared. Which he did, he just looked a little frightened, like he was interrupting something. She set up a vase for the few roses, which was really only three roses with many little petals to fill the damn thing up. He had been ripped off, but the one with seven roses was a few bucks too much for his wallet.
He rocked back on his heels, looking around her home. He wanted to say something about the night before. But he didn't want to apologize; he wasn't the one who should be apologizing. He didn't want to expect her to apologize, and he didn't want to make her apologize. Which he wouldn't, that'd be just rude and pretty selfish of him. So he said nothing, and just kept his ees wandering. Your house is... He said, trying to think of a word that would describe it without being rude. ...nice. He said plainly, finally smiling softly at her. Oh, here's your bagel... He said, jumping and setting it on the counter next to the coffee.

[keatie deville]

A bagel too? She was a little shocked about the whole thing. Maybe she should do this more often, and maybe they would serve her breakfast and flowers. Psh, she was just too spoilt ya know? She inhaled and turned to Alex when he asked about her room mate. Yeah, Tinsley. She isn't here I don't think, and even if she is - she's probably in her room sleeping. She looked towards Tinsley's door; not entirely sure if she was actually here or not. Not like Tin would bit his head off or anything, that girl could be real sweet when she wanted. She put the vase in the middle of the counter, before he made the comment about her house being "nice."

Well I think what you mean is girly. She smiled a little and paused for a few seconds. But I guess with two girls living here, what can you expect? She laughed a little before taking the bagel he placed on the counter and nibbling on it a little. She actually liked cinnamon, a lot, so it was hard for her not to just take large bites like a guy or something. But nah, instead she nibbed like a bunny.

She listed herself on the counter, and bit her lip a little thoughtfully before motioning him forward towards her. Alex, I want you to understand I really am sorry for last night. She took a deep breath before continuing. You are a really sweet guy, and I really do like you - a lot more than I've liked anyone, but if you want to be friends then that's okay with me. I can't make an excuse for my actions last night Alex, and I really am terribly sorry and I don't even know why you're doing this. I should be the one over there and doing all this crap.

Plan A was totally down the drain now, she couldn't forget about him when he was right in front of her, looking cuter than ever. He was the type of guy any girl could fall in love with.. That she could fall... NO NO NO! She wouldn't allow herself to even THINK of that world. It was scary and made her shiver. Love love love. It destroyed and it pieced people together and all that crap that she was scared of. Saying I love you was cool with friends and family and stuff. But with people you liked... Eh. Something always went wrong didn't it?

She jumped down from the counter. She still wanted to kiss him for some reason.. She still liked him terribly. but she had to accept this was what they were going to be, friends. If that. Friends don't kiss, or do any of that crap. She wanted too though, and the thought made her blush and look down. She probably looked like shit right now.

[alexander jay martin!]

i think i can, i think i can;

So Alex was glad nothing had gone wrong yet that morning. And could anything? He just arrived at her door step with a few roses and breakfast. If someone did that for him, he would pounce on them right then and there. He was such a sucker, it was sad to see him doing it himself. His mind was on how tto bring up the night before, but he just smiled when she brought up her house being girly. You have a point. He chuckled. He was pretty solidly convinced that she wasn't going to bring up last night, and he was partially alright with that. He didn't want any more drama; truthfully he was sick of it. He wasn't the type to be involved, and if someone he knew was, he tended to back away slowly then run. But then Keatie started about the night before, how she was so sorry and that he was super sweet, and thanks for doing all this, blah. He nodded, not acting surprised. I'm okay with being friends. He said. But then he touched the edge of the table, pressing his clean lips against her cheek. It was friendly; and it really didn't feel intimate between them when the kiss happened.
Maybe she felt different, but Alex just smiled. And it's alright. I'm sort of over it. He said. What a lier. At least tell a little bit of the truth, for God's sake. No, he wasn't entirely over it. It wouldn't take much of his brain power to think that through. He was still being dragged around like a poor boy, trying to be friends with this girl that couldn't decide whether she wanted to be friends or not.

[keatie deville]

<sub>And it's alright. I'm sort of over it. Oh, so that was all she was too him. So he didn't want her anymore. So he didn't even want more than a fuck before. She was throwing herself at him, trying to tell him she wanted to be in a relationship with him, and he was just.... like.... "whatever, i'm over it." Like what the hell was with this guy? Was he bipolar or something? She had just told him she liked him more than anyone. Did that mean nada to him?! It was slightly getting on her nerves; and then before he had said that he had just kissed her cheek. What the hell? She blinked for a few seconds. Well, at least he was over it right? At least he was like every other fucking male on this planet. Except for the breakfast thing; that was cute. But now she was just generally confused. He was like a fucking rubix cube or something. Bleh!!!!

She wanted to ask him what the hell was going on, but instead she nodded and smiled. It was a completely fake ass smile, she was more holding back the hurt that she was beginning to feel than anything. "Yeah, me too." Good that they "were on the same page." Right? Wrong! Big red warning signal was flashing everywhere. Peeping warning signs were making a loud noise. Well, not really, but you get the point right? They had some kind of communication problem or something. Maybe she was still on Frenchie ways, and this was just an odd american way of doing things.

Here her wall came, building up up and away so that no one could get in. So she wouldn't open up and get hurt. She hated getting hurt more than anything. Isn't that why she drank? Oh poo, she didn't even KNOW anymore. She always drank, it was like.... A secret super power or something. Well, not really, but kinda. She just downed it like it was root beer or something. Easy way to forget, and a painful way to remember (aka: hangovers.) She sighed and looked down, wanting to say something.

Would they still be flirtatious, would they just act like STRICT friends. She didn't even know how to do that. How weird. She didn't even know how that would work out. She finshed her bagel, quicker than she expected and drank the rest of the coffee. Thanks for everything Alex... Um, you want something? She opened the fridge door. Water, soda, alcohol, chocolate, healthy foods, (lots of healthy foods) were everywhere. She didn't eat much, and really she didn't think Tin did much either. So usually they always had a fridge full of crap for quite a long time. Choice is yours. She looked away for a few seconds taking a deep breath. Wondering if this whole friendship thing would even work out.</sub>

[alexander jay martin!]

i think i can, i think i can;

Alex nodded slowly. He wanted her to say something else; not to agree with him! Of coarse he wanted her, he wanted her more than any other girl he'd ever met in his life. Why couldn't he just tell the truth? Why not? For one, he would but can't right then, because that would be ußer confusing, to both of them. and he knew that, but the boy had to say something or he would explode. Couldn't she take the hint? He did bring roses, I mean you don't usually bring roses to a friend. He was able to keep quiet until she began talking again. Wow, you finished that bagel quick. Like cinnamon, huh? Now I know which flavor to get you. He chuckled, cocking his head sweetly. It was my pleasure Kate. Ah, no. I'm fine on goodies, I had breakfast... He went back to that. If you walked into his house, all you'd see is Lucky Charms scattered all over the floor. Truth is he was quite hungry. He'd barely taken a bite before he darted out the door in the first place.
He stood there for a long time, trying to figure out what to do or say. Keatie, I-- He started, but then looked at the table and made a fist with his hand. He set in on the table where he looked and nibbled on his lip. Damn, he wished he had his piercings in. That way if they just started making out, she'd like it. He could tell she did before, shit she was all over him. I lied, I'm so sorry. He looked at her then, his eyes glimmering blue. I mean, I couldn't stop thinking of you last night, I had this weird dream, I brought roses for no reason, I-- He then sighed, looking back down. His had was shaking slightly, so you almost couldn't tell.
I like you a lot too. I'm sorry I lied, I didn't want to be rude. But I can't lie about my feelings for you-- I know that's horribly cheesey but it's true-- He said, looking about frantically. He had to get out of there. He was panicking and still shaking. He took his fist and held it with his other hand, rubbing it slowly. I'm sorry, I have to go. I hope you liked the flowers-- He said, walking quickly to the door.